Teenagers Today's Health Advisory Panel Answers: Our 16-year-old is drinking alcohol at parties. What should we do?

By Chris Crutcher Author Licensed Child and Family Therapist

Question:

Our 16-year-old son is drinking alcohol occasionally on the weekends at parties with his friends. This is causing major tension in our house because as parents, we feel 16 is too young to drink. We do not want to be so strict that he will go wild in college. What should we do?

Answer:

That's a tough question. Do you know about his drinking because he came out and told you or because someone else told you? In other words if your son is telling you he is drinking occasionally you have a better chance of addressing it.

While it would be nice if we could simply tell kids it's illegal and they need to stop, that doesn't usually do much. I'd watch his behavior. Is the drinking affecting grades, relationships, attitude, etc.? I would deal with those things directly because they don't involve the same power struggle.

If you think he's addicted, that's a whole different story because you need to get him help, but if this falls under the category of experimentation, I'd be vigilant about his behaviors and not get into a power struggle you can't win. I would certainly tell him that if he ever gets somewhere and is too impaired to drive or is with someone too impaired to drive, that he should call you and that there is NO consequence.

You can talk about it with him later, but kids need to know we are unconditional where their physical safety is concerned. This is a tough question because addictive personalities are far more addictive in their adolescence. Again, vigilance.