Teenagers Today's Health Advisory Panel Answers: I am concerned my daughter won't attend college because she will have to leave her boyfriend. What should I do?

By Chris Crutcher Author Licensed Child and Family Therapist

Question:

My teenage daughter (15) has become very involved with her boyfriend who is 18. He has finished school, and she is in grade 11. Their relationship has almost become obsessive wherein she lies about meeting him. I am concerned that she won't attend a college or university because it will mean she might have to "leave him!" What should I do? I know I can't forbid her from seeing him, but I am really getting worried. What should I do?

Answer:

I'd probably be worried, too. It's easy to get completely involved when you're 15. One thing you can try is to let her see him, but AFTER she gets her school work done. Don't spend a lot of time telling her about the age difference or about how much more important school work is than seeing him in the larger scope of life. The larger scope of life isn't available to her right now.

To the extent that you can, get to know him and engage him in conversations; not about your daughter or their relationship, but just about things that are interesting to him and to you. Get on the same page with your daughter about school work; help her solve the time problems that go with being "in love" and trying to meet school obligations. Gather as much information from her as you can, and stay open. If/when this relationship falls apart, a whole other set of problems starts. You want to be there when that happens. It's a real tightrope. Wish it were easier.