Teenagers Today's Health Advisory Panel Answers: My 17-year-old daughter is down in the dumps because I will not let her date a 21-year-old guy. Am I wrong? She says age doesn't matter.

By Chris Crutcher Author Licensed Child and Family Therapist

Question:

My 17-year-old daughter is down in the dumps because I will not let her date a 21-year-old guy. Am I wrong? She says age doesn't matter.

Answer:

This is a hard call. It sounds like you're being reasonable from one point of view, but if you're talking about an older 17-year-old and a younger 21-year-old, either in terms of months or maturity, she may have a point. I wouldn't base my decision on age alone. I'd base it on getting to know the guy and getting some sense of what the relationship is about. I realize you can only get a part of that information, but just looking at four years’ difference – though it may be a red flag – doesn't give you anywhere near the information you need. I can certainly find some 17-year-olds that would be more danger to your daughter than some 21-year-olds. If you're worried about a 21-year-old being interested only in sex, that is also true of a 17-year-old. If you're worried about access to alcohol, the only "legal" drug at 21 that is not legal at 17, it's easily available to almost all ages and illegal for her under any circumstances. I'd get to know the guy.