Teenagers Today's Health Advisory Panel Answers: My boyfriend's 16-year-old son is stealing money. How do I tactfully handle this situation?

By Chris Crutcher Author Licensed Child and Family Therapist

Question:

My live-in boyfriend's 16-year-old son is stealing money from my 12-year-old son's wallet after everyone has gone to bed. I have someone watch me put my son's lunch money in his wallet, and in the morning the money is gone. How do I tactfully handle this situation? It has been going on for some time, and the young man vehemently denies stealing. His father claims unless he catches his son "red handed" there is nothing he can do. I also suspect drug/alcohol abuse. Please help.

Answer:

I think it's a big mistake to set up the person who's stealing to be caught. When you think of the possible outcomes of the power struggle to make him admit it, most of them have to be bad. The first thing I would do is make sure it's impossible for him to steal it. And I would keep an eye out for other things that are being stolen, and keep them out of his reach also. THEN if he goes so far as to steal, it will be a lot more obvious, and you can have a conversation about it and get to the bottom of the CAUSE.

Dealing with the stealing alone is dealing with the symptom. There is something else going on, and if you want to do something that will stop the stealing AND put the one who is doing it in better stead, don't set him up.