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La Femme Nasty
Surviving Female Adolescence
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
Is it any wonder why millions of mothers fear their daughter's adolescent years? Like these mothers, you may be wondering how your relationship suddenly became so complicated. "In the blink of an eye, everything changed between the two of you," says Roni Cohen-Sandler, Ph.D. "Out went the easy chats, holding hands on walks and keeping her secrets. In came slammed doors, exasperated sighs, sullen moods and rude comments. These changes are mystifying and devastating to mothers."
According to Sandler, there are several reasons why daughters and mothers develop conflict during adolescence. The most common are:
Mothers take the brunt. As the emotional caretakers of the family, mothers typically sit at the helm throughout this process, anxiously steering the family's course through the maelstrom of the adolescent years. As such, they often feel responsible for ensuring that each member survives and even thrives. Consequently, mothers often feel a dramatically increased burden during their daughters' adolescence.
Her development affects you. It is far from easy to live with someone who is undergoing rapid changes in how she looks, thinks and feels. On the most obvious level, girls' maturing bodies, vitality and burgeoning sexuality tend to make their mothers uncomfortable. Just when girls are blossoming into shapely young women, mothers are often in or approaching midlife. It may be difficult to live with adolescent daughters who remind them of their ever-diminishing youth.
