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Shh Mom! Stop Spilling My Secrets
Why Parents Should Use Discretion When Talking About Their Teens
By Tamekia Reece
Remember when your precious baby made the honor roll? Did you race off to tell everyone you knew? What about when you took her to buy her first bra? Did you describe the little pink bow on the front to your mother, your sisters, your friend Peggy from down the street and anyone else who would listen? If this sounds like you, listen up, because now that your "baby" is a teen, your little habit of blabbing the going-ons of her life could cause her to keep secrets from you and create a big rift in your relationship.
"I can discuss things that are happening in my daughter's life whenever I want," says Sheila Nichols, the mother of a 16-year-old. "I'm the mother; she's the child."
This type of thinking is very common. As parents, we feel it's our right to be able to tell others whatever we please about our children. But Susan Ginsberg, parenting expert and author of Family Wisdom: The 2,000 Most Important Things Ever Said About Parenting, Children and Family Life (Columbia University Press, 1996), disagrees. "Kids are entitled to a certain amount of privacy," she says.
Home should be a place where teens feel safe to be themselves without worrying that someone (least of all, a parent) is going to spill their secrets to outsiders.
"It's nearly impossible to talk about your kids without saying something they wouldn't want you to," says Devy Stone of Canada. Stone enjoys talking about her kids and says it's hard not to spill everything, but she does use discretion. And discretion is the key to finding the balance between general chatter and harmful blabbing.
No one can deny bragging about their teen getting all A's on a report card or winning a talent show. That's just part of being a proud parent. And teens usually don't have a problem with that. However, problems arise when parents take it to the next level by telling others things that will either hurt, embarrass or anger their teen.
