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Making the "A" List
How Popularity Pressures
Your Teen
Your Teen
By Gina Roberts-Grey, LCSW
The desire to fit in can be overwhelming for children. Our children look to model the examples of popularity they see on television and in magazines. They equate being part of a specific group with social status, personal accomplishments and good fortune. Fitting in – or feeling like you don't fit in – can affect a child's self-esteem, grades and communication and leadership skills.
While most would associate the pressures of popularity solely with teens, it is surprising to learn that children begin to form social groups and standards as early as first grade. They gravitate toward classmates for a variety of reasons such as personality, ability and appeal.
The added stress of the physical changes that puberty brings often sends teens and tweens scrambling for a social group to feel safe in. Some children try to blend into the melting pot of styles, ideals and opinions represented in the halls of their school in the hopes of not being viewed as different or original. Others opt for a contrasting strategy of intentionally trying to stand out in the hopes of somehow fitting into a crowd of "originals" or "social misfits."
High school teacher Liz Maurin has seen how overpowering the quest to be popular can be. Unfortunately, she has seen the situation turn ugly. "Kids resort to behavior that borders on dangerous just to get the attention of a member of the opposite sex or to break into a clique," she says. "They've learned how to manipulate situations and words just to be popular."
It can be difficult for adults to navigate through these various pressure situations. For a child or teenager, it can be nearly impossible to stand up to the mounting pressure to be popular. Spreading rumors, telling lies or being intentionally hurtful are just a few of the scenarios our children face daily to gain recognition amidst their peers.
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